Social anxiety exposure ideas: 40 steps from easier to harder

How to use this list

You do not need to do all 40. Read through and pick 8 to 15 that are relevant to your life, including a few from the easier groups and a few from the harder ones, so your ladder has a gentle start and something to work toward.

Next, rate each idea from 0 to 100 for how anxious you would expect to feel, and put them in order from lowest to highest. Your order may not match the groups below, and that is fine, because you know your own fears best.

Easier starting points

These ideas involve brief contact with strangers and little pressure to say much. They are good first steps if most social situations feel like a lot right now.

• Make eye contact with a cashier and say thank you
• Ask a store employee where something is
• Smile at someone as you pass them on the street
• Say good morning to a neighbor
• Hold a door and say hello to the person behind you
• Ask a stranger for the time
• Compliment a stranger on something small
• Order a coffee and add one friendly comment

Everyday conversations

Here you stay in the conversation a little longer and offer something of yourself. The aim is to practise tolerating the quiet moments and the feeling of being listened to.

• Ask a coworker how their weekend was and listen to the answer
• Make small talk in a queue
• Start a conversation with someone at a class or club
• Share one fact about yourself with an acquaintance
• Stay in a group conversation for ten minutes
• Ask a follow-up question rather than changing the subject
• Invite a colleague for a coffee
• Let a pause in conversation last without filling it

Phone calls and messages

Phone calls take away the chance to read faces, and messages can tempt you to rewrite endlessly. These ideas build comfort with both.

• Leave a short voicemail for a friend
• Send a message without rereading it more than once
• Phone a friend just to say hello
• Call a business to ask a simple question
• Reply to a group chat with your own opinion
• Phone to book an appointment
• Call a relative you have been avoiding
• Make a call where you expect to be put on hold

Being seen and heard

These ideas are about being noticed and not hiding. They are designed to test the belief that other people are watching you and judging every move.

• Eat alone in a café
• Wear a bright color
• Walk into a room after others are seated
• Ask a question out loud in a shop
• Read in a public place without a phone to hide behind
• Return an item to a store
• Take a seat in the middle of a bus
• Speak up when your order is wrong

Harder steps

Save these for later in your ladder, once earlier steps feel easier. They involve being the center of attention or doing something where you worry about being judged.

• Give a toast at a small gathering
• Ask a question in a large meeting
• Introduce yourself to a group
• Disagree with someone and explain why
• Give a short presentation to colleagues
• Tell a short story to a group of friends
• Ask someone you like to spend time with you
• Make a small mistake on purpose and carry on

Dropping safety behaviors while you practise

Safety behaviors are things you do to get through a social situation, such as rehearsing sentences in your head, avoiding eye contact, or holding your phone as a shield. They feel helpful, but they can stop you from learning that you can cope without them.

Drop them one at a time. Choose one for a step you rate as easier, practise without it, and notice what happens. You can add the next one when the first feels more manageable.

Free printable worksheet

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